Englisch: Korrektur von Text über Ingvar Kampard (IKEA)

Question

Grammatik Und Rechtsschreibfehler bitte korrigieren:

Mein Text:

IKEA Ingvar Kampard

Today I am talking about the entrepreneur Ingvar Kamprad. He was a Swedish entrepreneur and the founder of the IKEA. Ingvar Kamprad's mother was Swedish, his father was German and he came to Sweden with his parents when he was one year old.

He was born on 30 March 1926 and died on 28 January 2018. He had three children and had married twice. He was one of the richest people in the world.

Even as a child he traded in many different goods, including matches and pencils. Therefore, he wanted to open a shop with furniture and services.

At the age of 17, Kamprad finished school and as a reward received a monetary gift from his father. With this he founded his company IKEA in 1943. In 1947 he added furniture and, in that year, he also published his first catalog. The first IKEA furniture store was opened in southern Sweden in 1958. In 1977 Ikea was opened in Austria.,

Ikea's passion is life at home. The vision of Ikea is to create a better everyday life for the many people.

His original idea was to sell goods and commodities at a low price, in large quantities. The name IKEA is derived from his initials. The IKEA concept is brought to life through the furniture stores, catalogue and via the Internet and apps.

He became very successful because he kept on going and did not listen to anyone. Furthermore, he became successful because he sold the goods cheaper than his competitors with good quality.

Ikea has over 200,000 employees and an annual turnover of 38 billion euros.

Ikea also looks at sustainability by using less plastic.

Ikea sold various consumer goods, including pens, wallets, picture frames, tablecloths, watches, matches and jewellery.

Answer 1

Today I am talking about the entrepreneur Ingvar Kamprad. He was a Swedish entrepreneur and the founder of the IKEA.

[...] and the founder of IKEA oder [...] and the founder of the IKEA company.

He was born on 30 March 1926 and died on 28 January 2018

Ich würde schreiben:

He was born in 1926, March 30th, and died in 2018, 28th January.

Meine aber, dass deine Variante auch korrekt ist.

He had three children and had married twice.

He had three children and married twice

Even as a child he traded in many different goods, including matches and pencils.

Even as a child, he proved his entrepreneurial spirit by trading various goods, including matches an pencils.

At the age of 17, Kamprad finished school and as a reward received a monetary gift from his father.

Da "as a reward" von dir als Einschub verwendet wird, würde ich das mit Kommata trennen, also:

At the age of 17, Kamprad finished school and, as a reward, received a monetary gift from his father.

With this he founded his company IKEA in 1943.

"With this" ist sehr unenglisch - lass dir da einen besseren Satzanfang einfallen!

Ikea's passion is life at home.

IKEA's passion is the life at home oder IKEA's passion is making living at home more convenient.

Hinweis:

Ich bin nicht auf alles eingegangen, teilweise beginnst du z. B. drei Mal hintereinander einen Satz mit "Ikea has", "Ikea also", "Ikea sold" - nicht schön zu lesen! U. a. fehlen ein paar Kommata; insbesondere nach dem Nennen von Jahreszahlen. Um den Text einordnen zu können, müsste man deine Klassenstufe und Schulform kennen.

Comments

ich gehe in die 3 klasse ibertsufe

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Sei mir nicht böse, aber dafür finde ich es nicht soo stark. Ist in Ordnung, aber irgendwie fehlt mir privat etwas Komplexität im Satzbau und mehr Wortreichtum.

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Today I am talking about the entrepreneur Ingvar Kamprad. He was a Swedish entrepreneur and the founder of the IKEA. Ingvar Kamprad's mother was Swedish, his father was German and he came to Sweden with his parents when he was one year old.
He was born on 30 March 1926 in Agunnaryd, Sweden and died on 27 January 2018, in Småland, Sweden.He had four children. His children are Mathias Kamprad, Annika, Peter Kamprad and Jonas Kamprad. He had been married twice. With his first wife Kerstin Wadling he was married 10 years and with his second wife Margaretha Kamprad 48 years.

He was one of the richest people in the world.
Even as a child he traded with many different goods, including matches and pencils. Therefore, he wanted to open a shop with furniture and services.
At the age of 17, Kamprad finished school and as a reward received a monetary gift from his father. With this he founded his company IKEA in 1943. In 1947 he added furniture and, in the same year, he also published his first catalog. The first IKEA furniture store was opened in southern Sweden in 1958. In 1977 IKEA was opened in Austria.
Ikea's passion is life at home. The vision of IKEA is to create a better everyday life for the (many) people.

He published a book called Historia Ikea in 1999.
He has other organisations such as Ingka Foundation, Ikano Bank, Interogo Foundation, INGKA Holding, Inter IKEA Holding and Stichting IKEA Foundation.
His original idea was to sell goods and commodities at a low price, in large quantities. The name IKEA is derived from his initials. The IKEA concept is brought to life through the furniture stores, catalogue and via the internet and apps.
He became very successful because he kept on going and did not listen to anyone. Furthermore, he became successful because he sold the goods cheaper than his competitors with good quality.
IKEA has over 200,000 employees and an annual turnover of 38 billion euros.
It also looks at sustainability by using less plastic.
IKEA sold various consumer goods, including pens, wallets, picture frames, tablecloths, watches, matches and jewellery.

Passt das??

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"of the IKEA" ist immer noch nicht richtig. Und es sind immer noch nicht alle Kommata richtig gesetzt. Manche Sätze sind nach wie vor ein bisschen krumm.
Du hast auch leider einige Dinge, die ich bemängelt habe, immer noch in dieser Textversion...

He had four children. His children are Mathias Kamprad, Annika, Peter Kamprad and Jonas Kamprad.

He had four children named Mathias Kamprad, Annika, Peter Kamprad and Jonas Kamprad.

The vision of IKEA is to create a better everyday life for the (many) people.

"for the many people" ist unsinnig.

He became very successful because he kept on going and did not listen to anyone.

Dieser Satz ist etwas unglücklich. Du möchtest übersetzen, dass er sich von niemandem hat aus der Bahn werfen lassen und an seiner Vision festgehalten hat, selbst in Zeiten, wo niemand außer er daran geglaubt hat. "He did not listen to anyone" hat im Englischen vielleicht eine wortwörtliche Bedeutung (also auch, wenn jemand gesagt hat, dass er einen Fleck auf dem Hemd hat) - würde mir da eine andere Übersetzung einfallen lassen.

Ich denke es gilt:

He did not listen to anyone ≠ Er hat sich nichts sagen lassen

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Danke ich stelle dir jetzt mein leltzes exenplar zum korrigieren und Bitte Schaue Ob das jetzt So Gut ISt..??

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könnt ihr den ganzen Text nochmal drüber korrigieren bitte unbedingt nötig ??DANKE



Today I am talking about the Swedish entrepreneur Ingvar Kamprad. He was the founder of the IKEA. He was born on 30 March 1926 in Agunnaryd, Sweden and died on 27 January 2018, in Småland, Sweden. Ingvar was one of the richest people in the world.



Ingvar Kamprad's mother was Swedish, his father was German and he came to Sweden with his parents when he was one year old.

Even as a child he wanted to have his own furniture business and he tinkered also with many stuffs, including matches and pencils. He was very successful at school but had a visual impairment.

He went to a primary school and then to a commercial grammar school.

He finished school at the age of 17. He received a monetary gift from his father because of his success in school. With the money from his father he founded his company IKEA in 1943.



-He started working in an own garage and slowly grew into a big business.



-In 1947 he published his first catalog and in 1999 he published his first book called Historia Ikea.



The name IKEA is derived from his initials. IKEA's passion is the life at home. The vision of IKEA is to create a better everyday life for the people. IKEA has over 200,000 employees and it has more than 430 furniture stores around the world.

-His idea was to sell goods and commodities at a low price and in large quantities.

-It also looks at sustainability by using less plastic.



Furniture, pens, picture frames, blankets and upholstery,

plates, flowers and so on are sold in Ikea. Ikea has its own app and a

restaurant.



-The first IKEA furniture store was opened in southern Sweden in 1958. In 1977 IKEA was opened in Austria.



-He has other organisations such as Ingka Foundation, Ikano Bank, Interogo Foundation, INGKA Holding, Inter IKEA Holding and Stichting IKEA Foundation.



-He became very successful because he kept on going and did not listen to anyone. Furthermore, he became successful because he sold the goods cheaper than his competitors with good quality.



He had four children named Mathias Kamprad, Annika, Peter Kamprad and Jonas Kamprad. With his first wife Kerstin Wadling he was married 10 years and with his second wife Margaretha Kamprad 48 years.

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Du schreibst schon wieder "He was the founder of the IKEA".

IKEA ist ein Eigenname.

Answer 2

Grammatik Und Rechtsschreibfehler bitte korrigieren:

1) Das Wort "und" schreibt man klein.

2) Hinter "Grammatik" fehlt ein Strich